The most popular blog I’ve ever written, hands down, is 8 WAYS TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER, a parody of the endless self-help features offered by every blogger and her dog. Although clearly a spoof, this blog has drawn the attention of some ne’er-do-wells scheming to harm their fellow man.
The Original Murder Blog Spoof
First published on December 29, 2017, 8 WAYS TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER was the ninth blog I had written since launching The Murder Memo just two months earlier. At that time, I fretted endlessly before hitting the “Publish” button, and then closely monitored my website’s stats after, silently rejoicing each time my blog was read.
It was a time when my newsletter boasted few subscribers, many of whom I signed up without their permission, taking advantage of family and friends.
Nonetheless, the spoof blog was read and apparently shared. During those last few days of the year after it was published, a time when most of us were still in our festive moods, the blog on killing had 104 views.
Gaining in Popularity
Over the next year, “8 Ways” received another 380 views. Some of the readers stumbled onto it as they browsed other blogs I had posted, while others found it as a result of searching the web for tips on how to get away with killing someone.
Then, in 2019, this blog became the most-read blog on my site, and it hasn’t let up. There were 5,386 views of it that year alone, and as of this writing, there have been more than 15,000 people who have sought my advice on how to get away with murder. Let’s hope they don’t all act out on their whims.
Compare that to the Angie Dodge Murder blog. It is the true story of a tragic killing and of the man who was wrongly convicted of committing it. I was hired by Radical Media to reinvestigate the case while they filmed a STARZ documentary called WRONG MAN. I wrote a blog about that investigation, and it has been viewed 20,000 times. But then again, that story has garnered worldwide attention.
The year 2020 is an exceptional one in many ways, and here, three-quarters of the way through it, nothing surprises anyone any longer. That murder is on the minds of many of our fellow citizens, is hardly newsworthy.
A Glimpse into their Psyches
Check out some of the search terms people have used that led them to my blog:
How to get away with killing somebody
Disguised suicide
How to actually get away with murder (I feel like “actually” was emphasized in this sentence.)
Tips on how to get away with murder (“Tips” lol)
Get away with murder instructions (This must’ve been a woman, as men never read instructions.)
Smart ways to murder (“Smart” … Hmmm)
How to kill unsuspectingly (So you want to be surprised when you kill someone?)
How to get away with murdering your friend (With friends like this…)
Classic ways to murder someone
How to get away with killing your family (Read that again.)
How to murder your wife and get away with it (ask OJ or Robert Blake)
How to kill your neighbor and get away with it (And I thought I had bad neighbors.)
How to kill annoying people (Okay, this guy might be on to something.)
Comments on Getting Away with Murder
Good, now I know how to kill these bitch-ass people I know.”
An apparent author thanked me, saying the information would be helpful with her writing a book.
Now my antagonist knows how to annoy cops!” (Is there really anything worse than cop-annoying antagonists?)
My good friend and former sergeant, Moon Mullen, opined:
I believe they teach this course at the Guido Sarduchi School of Contract Hitters in New Jersey.” (I never realized there was such a thing, but now I’m seeing a possible new revenue stream. Thanks, Moon!)
An apparently serious practitioner of the craft commented:
I found it more helpful than funny.”
Amusing but also Creepy
Amusing as this may be, it gives me the creeps knowing what types of people have been drawn to my website because of that blog. Clearly, some of these people are dead serious about killing.
Moreover, I ponder the most obvious question of all: Which of the two is gaining in popularity, my blog, or the notion of murder?
In any year other than 2020, I might have concluded it was the former. But frankly, I’m not so sure about that now.
And while I’ve yet to draw any solid conclusions on the matter, I have considered a possible new marketing strategy. I’ll add a final thought on the blog suggesting that the real secret to getting away with murder has been cleverly concealed somewhere within the Dickie Floyd Detective Novel series.
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Thank you for reading my blog. I hope you will share it with your family and friends.
your 8 WAYS TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER told me NOT to kill my teachers (and father).
Danny
As you know I have read that blog a few times !! And like Jim said that you need to put a disclaimer what. Shame !! My opinion and only mine is OJ nor Blake committed those murders ! How William Shatner was never investigated is beyond me !! Anyhow I love a your blogs and books !!!
Rich L West Haven CT
Thanks, Rich.
Yeah, Phil Spector did not think the whole “fake suicide” theory real well, hope he is enjoying his “vacation” until he dies or reaches really, really old age. Lana Clarkson did not deserve to lose her life in such a tragic way :'( .
The real reason I love your blog is because its a living link to a Los Angeles that many people want to try to erase and delete. It was super cool to also read what it was like to respond to a major earthquake, especially the 1987 Whittier Earthquake! That event was the wakeup call for all Angelenos in the county to be prepared on future earthquakes. And to remember how L.A. in the 1980s was a real war zone. The 1997 North Hollywood Shootout was a shocker yes, but for some of us in the poorer parts of L.A. County, we knew a decade of violence and despair that rivaled that event sadly!
Murder in any form destroys the soul and innocent families along the way. Its sad that still human beings want to use violence against their fellow man without thinking of the consequences such an act causes.
That is true, Raul. I assisted on the Lana Clarkson murder case and wrote the search warrant for Spector’s mansion.
Danny, you should have called me to assist on the warrant, I lived in “the castle” for two years. Just myself and one other deputy. Mark L, who I think had the handle, called me that morning to ask me about the place. VERY interesting things happened in that house. I don’t think you and I have ever talked about it. I knew every secret stairway.
I’ve heard the stories, boss.. Mark assisted as did about everyone on our team, Team 2. Rich Tomlin and Paul Fournier had the handle. They did a great job, two excellent cops.
Really?!! That case has always reminded me of how firearms should Never be misused, or treated like toys! That man Phil Spector looked weird from the very beginning, and putting a loaded handgun into an innocent woman’s mouth as a “game” was sick enough already, and a tragedy that could have been avoided.
I know this will sound like a weird question, but was the Lindbergh baby case a possible case of post-partum depression gone wrong? I have always had my doubts that Hauptmann did it. That case never did sit well with me in my opinion. OJ did it. I did the whole drive one evening, on the 20th anniversary of all nights, and even when I was taking the long road from Gretna Green to Bundy, it took less than 5 minutes. The gas station on San Vicente and Bundy definitely had the proof in the surveillance camera footage of the Bronco near-miss. But with money and fame things somehow “disappear”. More like Cochran and his assistance paying top coin to buy evidence not collected. Very wrong but very likely happned.
There was more evidence against OJ than most cases ever have. It should have been a slam dunk case, but… I’ll just leave that there.
I never read that one before so I simply had to go look at it. It’s a sad state when you have to give a disclaimer at the end.
Thanks for checking it out, Jim. (: